Why not

Alright, thought I would try out another post. Turns out I have just as much to say and think about in the states as in Europe…. (?!how?! According to a drunk British guy at a party, America is far behind in terms of class and humor. So how?!) 😘 Hope you’re reading drunk British guy (hope you’re not still drunk)

imageSitting in various hip Californian coffee shops, (this one is called Mantra in Azusa- very good vibes) reflecting on my time in Europe, it occurs to me how incredibly easy it was. I was anticipating it to be much more challenging and stressful to travel alone, but after the initial shock of being there I settled into my own company and quickly adjusted to the prospect of getting around without anyone to depend on.

imageAnd really, when have I ever been a dependent person?! Never that I can remember.
A pivotal moment in the (continual) process of getting to know myself was a moment at my end of the year senior high school dinner. I graduated from a class of 15 kids from a small private Christian school in Santa Barbara. Needless to say, we knew each other pretty well- at least in terms of daily habits and quirks.
But this dinner was time where our families were involved in our interaction. After food we all sat in a circle, and for once our parents were the ones that were made to speak: they were asked to reflect on their child’s greatest accomplishments/growth in their eyes. Beautiful idea, really. Public affirmation is really important.

Anyway, all my friends parents said really beautiful things and it was a very special moment for each kid and parent. When it got to my parents turn I was expecting them to talk about getting into USC or my music growth or something (and they did) but they started with:
“Well, honestly- we didn’t really raise her- she kind of raised herself. She’s always chosen which lessons she wanted to learn from us. So we can’t take that much credit…”

This moment for me was shocking and flattering and terrifying and certainly spurred a lot of thought.
What a Lone Ranger I am.

Ever since that moment I have studied the “I work alone” aspect of my personality to really see if it is something I want to keep as an integral part of myself.
(This is not to say that I don’t need my parents, and I am in many aspects still very dependent. I am referring to a more general and inherent type of independence)
And it’s interesting how that plays out in my thoughts and how it affects what I do and how.

Ironically, that moment of affirmed independence from my parents was probably one of the most formative moments of my recent experience. And I think I’ve concluded that I really do like to be alone. It’s been a journey to get here, but I feel almost like a whole person… 🤔

I don’t know why I felt compelled to write about this.. But I suppose I just want to promote independence- as long as the importance of community is also acknowledged.. Every single person is made in a really intriguing way- and knowing yourself is helpful in knowing how you will interact with all the other unique creatures scurrying around this little world. 🙂

image(literal scurrying creatures in Luxembourg)

Summer is good, a little too restful, but I’ve started giving piano lessons and focusing time on my fitness and generally settling into a different sort of routine.

There are some amazing hikes here in Santa Barbara and it’s been nice to catch up with old friends.

Life is good.

P.s. Shoutout to Apple for adding a timer to the camera feature…. game changer.

3 thoughts on “Why not

  1. I totally get what you mean about the independent thing.
    I like to tell myself that I’m independent enough to be dependent (basically I do things by myself except when I’m being lazy then I let others do things for me)
    It’s great that your parents recognised that about you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s